Monday, April 12, 2010

My Personal Testimony

My Personal testimony
Psalm 34:6
Psalm 40:1-3
You’ve heard me say for years now that there is a part of my life that I never
want told. That by the grace of God no one would know about.
Well, last night, God impressed on my heart to tell my wife. He also gave me
Today I feel impressed of God to tell you.
It will not be easy for me, it sure won’t be enjoyable, but I believe God will
show you through me that God CAN save anyone.
Over 20 years ago, a time that I have tried to forget for good has continually
been stirred up at the sights, and sounds of certain things.
I’m not entirely sure when this story started, but I do know when it ended.
Somewhere between 8 and 11 years old, is the darkest time of my life.
You see it was during this time, that I was molested by a family member.
Always together, over powered, and scared, this happened multiple times.
It happened so many times in fact that I began to think it was a normal act.
I was forced many times to do this and other unsavory and unnatural acts as
a very young boy.
Always being ashamed, and scared to tell anyone, or to stop it myself, finally
some of my family found out, and stopped it on my behalf.
So, when I say things like, God saved a poor lost wretch like me, God saves
old sinners, God reached into the very pit of Hell for me. You understand.
Through this I was also introduced to pornography, both printed and on
video. I became addicted between the ages of 8 and 11. I seen things that
no boy should ever see, I seen some things that no human should ever see. I
became so deprived and steeped in this filthy sin of pornography that it
consumed my, should-be innocent mind. So in fact that I would rummage
through trucks to find magazines, I would sneak into family members homes
to watch their videos.
These are images that I cannot get rid of.
So, when you hear me say things like I never thought God could use
someone like me, I’m amazed that God would love me. I hop eyou can
Sometime after I turned 11 years old, some in my family found out about
the molestation.
Those things stopped that day. I was so confused, and still ashamed. Could
my family still love me? I purposed to never speak about it again. Never tell
anyone about. But for some reason God is having me tell you today.
Shortly after this, we began revival at New hope Baptist. Bro. Jeff Pleamons
preached about the Lamb, and how that He could take away the sins of the
world. He spoke about this spotless lamb, becoming sin for me as the
sacrifice for my sin. He told about how that he bore my sin AND my Shame.
God began to draw me during that revival. He began to convict my heart to
be saved.
For at least 6 months I struggled with the question, does God really want
me? I’m broken, damaged goods. Surely I’m too filthy for God.
On April 24th 1992, God proved to me once and for all that He indeed DID
want me. He could take my old damaged, and ruined life and make me new.
He would take my broken life and change me from the inside out.
On April 24th 1992, I accepted the gift of Salvation, new life, and redemption
from the bondage and power of Satan.
This person that did these things, has made professions of both Salvation
and the Call to Preach, but he has continued in the sin of Sodomy.
He needs true salvation, he need the God of heaven to speak once again to
his heart.
The shame and guilt, and hatred of that has haunted me for nearly 19 years
It was last year when I went to Florida to preach a funeral. I knew I would
come face to face with this person. I prayed that God would allow me to
forgive him. I prayed that God would allow me to preach the Gospel to him.
God again filled me with Grace and allowed me to do both.
I have no idea what he has done with the message of the Gospel, but God
has given me victory over that hatred, and guilt and shame.